Thursday, June 28, 2007

a tidy house...

a tidy house means a broken computer!! i read this phrase somewhere while digging here and there in the net... didn't believe it back then, i remember i had this silly grinn on my face when i read it, i was convincing myself that I don't have enough time to tidy up properly cuz of work and my demanding little devil "raed".. but looks like it was true after all...
I've been facing some probs with my PC until it collapsed completely :( it's been just two days now and i don't know what to do.. i finally found a LOT of free time!! have i been spending my day on the computer? i really can't belive it..
i finally had the chance to iron that HUGE pile of clothes that was hiding in the corner of my room.. my husband couldn't stop giggling when he saw me ironing.. he said "no enough time, huh?"... i also had time to play with raed with his new toy "fishing", and believe it or not, at 6:00 p.m. i was bored.. for the first time for weeks.. even years.. me.. bored..
so, is the computer an addiction? does the computer have that magic that can steal all this time from us and from our lives? also from the lives of the people we love?
I decided to make a move and stop spending THAT much time on the computer, so i googled and this is what i found: "an article talking about spending less time on your computer" and here it is "in red":
This article will explain how you can stop spending time on the computer and get out and see the world, instead of being cramped up inside all the time.
This however will take time and perhaps money. Steps Start slowly. You can't go from spending 6-8 hours on the computer to spending 1-2 hours a day. Find something else to do. If you don't have a hobby or an activity you enjoy, try something new.
A few ideas other than music and sports are: volunteering, drawing, creating collages, 4-wheeling, reading/writing, walking around town, hiking, photography, boating/seadoos, and paintball. (non of these are available in Gaza, except for reading and writing, there is no natural surrounding so you can go for a walk or hiking or what ever, and also you can't go boating, that's for sure, our boats can hardly fish!!Check the local paper for activities and events that you might be interested in. (he he he.. events.. here? in Gaza? that's a joke)
Limit your time on the computer.(OK, that's our main target.. but how CAN we do it?) If you have a hard time with it, get someone to put a password on your computer and have them type the password in for you when it is your allowed time on the computer . ( Yeah, maybe i'll strangle this someone.. it's MY pc?!)Another option is to get rid of the Internet and use a local library or cap site for your Internet. ( What? me? loose my connection? are they mad?) Instead of using Instant Messengers, just call.(OK.. but instant messaging is CHEAPER.. naa it's FREE)
Not spending a lot of time on the computer has many benefits, for example, it will improve your posture.
Don't try to go cold turkey!! It has to be a gradual process.
Stop Spending Too Much Time Online. The Internet can be a valuable resource for education and fun, but how much is too much? Why can't people stop? Here are some tips to help you quit staring at the computer screen and get out and do something productive. (i.e. ironing and playing with ur kidz)
Monitor the time you spend on the computer each day. Try setting an alarm for one or two hours and take a break. ( i already have a break each time my son wants me to switch the channel or look for "TOM & JERRY" or taking him to the bathroom... etc) Figure out what you spend the most time on (e-mail, games, music, IM, wikiHow, etc) and limit the time to a couple hours.
Find activities that take you away from the computer. Read a good book, go for a bike ride, play with the kids, dog, etc.
Quit reading this article, turn your computer off, and do something productive.
Avoid sites like or Use the Internet at a public library. :S
They usually limit the time to a couple hours. (Plus it's free) (we don't have public libraries with Internet connection, they don't have computers in the first place)
Buy software to help monitor and even constrain your online time.
Parental control software can do this but you will need to make the administrator password inaccessible.
It is recommended to have someone else set the password for you, so settings can be changed in the future.
Buy some video or computer games. That will ensure that you are not on the Internet and you'll have fun with the computer too.(OK, i bought Zuma and finished it.. what to do now, buy a new one? and turn to a game addict?)
Also, buy some computer software that is related to your hobbies but does not need a constant internet connection.

I really feel that the article was trying to be helpful, but it wasn't that helpful for me... gonna try to find something... and when i do.. i'm gonna write my own article.. he he he...

until then, i'll be spending my precious time on the net.. as usual.. but of course, after my PC is maintained...

p.s.: i'm at my friend's... that's how i wrote this post...


Saturday, June 23, 2007

أنت منذ الآن.... غيرك لمحمود درويش

أنت منذ الآن غيرك
هل كان علينا أن نسقط من عُلُوّ شاهق، ونرى دمنا على أيدينا...لنُدْرك أننا لسنا ملائكة.. كما كنا نظن؟
وهل كان علينا أيضاً أن نكشف عن عوراتنا أمام الملأ، كي لا تبقى حقيقتنا عذراء؟
كم كَذَبنا حين قلنا: نحن استثناء!
أن تصدِّق نفسك أسوأُ من أن تكذب على غيرك!
أن نكون ودودين مع مَنْ يكرهوننا، وقساةً مع مَنْ يحبّونَنا - تلك هي دُونيّة المُتعالي، وغطرسة الوضيع!
أيها الماضي! لا تغيِّرنا... كلما ابتعدنا عنك!
أيها المستقبل: لا تسألنا: مَنْ أنتم؟وماذا تريدون مني؟ فنحن أيضاً لا نعرف.
أَيها الحاضر! تحمَّلنا قليلاً، فلسنا سوى عابري سبيلٍ ثقلاءِ الظل!
الهوية هي: ما نُورث لا ما نَرِث. ما نخترع لا ما نتذكر. الهوية هي فَسادُ المرآة التي يجب أن نكسرها كُلَّما أعجبتنا الصورة!
تَقَنَّع وتَشَجَّع، وقتل أمَّه.. لأنها هي ما تيسَّر له من الطرائد.. ولأنَّ جنديَّةً أوقفته وكشفتْ له عن نهديها قائلة: هل لأمِّك، مثلهما؟
لولا الحياء والظلام، لزرتُ غزة، دون أن أعرف الطريق إلى بيت أبي سفيان الجديد، ولا اسم النبي الجديد!
ولولا أن محمداً هو خاتم الأنبياء، لصار لكل عصابةٍ نبيّ، ولكل صحابيّ ميليشيا!
أعجبنا حزيران في ذكراه الأربعين: إن لم نجد مَنْ يهزمنا ثانيةً هزمنا أنفسنا بأيدينا لئلا ننسى!
مهما نظرتَ في عينيّ.. فلن تجد نظرتي هناك. خَطَفَتْها فضيحة!
قلبي ليس لي... ولا لأحد. لقد استقلَّ عني، دون أن يصبح حجراً.
هل يعرفُ مَنْ يهتفُ على جثة ضحيّته - أخيه: >الله أكبر< أنه كافر إذ يرى الله على صورته هو: أصغرَ من كائنٍ بشريٍّ سويِّ التكوين؟
أخفى السجينُ، الطامحُ إلى وراثة السجن، ابتسامةَ النصر عن الكاميرا. لكنه لم يفلح في كبح السعادة السائلة من عينيه.
رُبَّما لأن النصّ المتعجِّل كان أَقوى من المُمثِّل.
ما حاجتنا للنرجس، ما دمنا فلسطينيين.
وما دمنا لا نعرف الفرق بين الجامع والجامعة، لأنهما من جذر لغوي واحد، فما حاجتنا للدولة... ما دامت هي والأيام إلى مصير واحد؟.
لافتة كبيرة على باب نادٍ ليليٍّ: نرحب بالفلسطينيين العائدين من المعركة. الدخول مجاناً! وخمرتنا... لا تُسْكِر!.
لا أستطيع الدفاع عن حقي في العمل، ماسحَ أحذيةٍ على الأرصفة. لأن من حقّ زبائني أن يعتبروني لصَّ أحذية ـ هكذا قال لي أستاذ جامعة!.
أنا والغريب على ابن عمِّي. وأنا وابن عمِّي على أَخي. وأَنا وشيخي عليَّ. هذا هو الدرس الأول في التربية الوطنية الجديدة، في أقبية الظلام.
من يدخل الجنة أولاً؟ مَنْ مات برصاص العدو، أم مَنْ مات برصاص الأخ؟ بعض الفقهاء يقول: رُبَّ عَدُوٍّ لك ولدته أمّك!.
لا يغيظني الأصوليون، فهم مؤمنون على طريقتهم الخاصة. ولكن، يغيظني أنصارهم العلمانيون، وأَنصارهم الملحدون الذين لا يؤمنون إلاّ بدين وحيد: صورهم في التلفزيون!.
سألني: هل يدافع حارس جائع عن دارٍ سافر صاحبها، لقضاء إجازته الصيفية في الريفيرا الفرنسية أو الايطالية.. لا فرق؟ قُلْتُ: لا يدافع!.
وسألني: هل أنا + أنا = اثنين؟ قلت: أنت وأنت أقلُّ من واحد!.
لا أَخجل من هويتي، فهي ما زالت قيد التأليف. ولكني أخجل من بعض ما جاء في مقدمة ابن خلدون.
أنت، منذ الآن، غيرك!.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Conspiracy Theory?!

After a bloody week in Gaza, I finally got the chance to go back to work, didn't take the bus, as i was supposed to, i preferred taking a cab, so i can take my time in observing what had happened... i was really shocked by the amount of destruction all around the city.. beautiful buildings were damaged by the gunfire and bombs, the Preventive Security Center was a disaster, it was completely destroyed and burnt up, looted till the last thing in it, even the ATM was taken?! is this the liberty that we are seeking?

Even at work, things aren't the same anymore.. everybody is talking about politics, everybody is analyzing, building probabilities and assumptions based on what is said and what is heard.. in every office you can find employees that promote one of the fighting factions, so the smallest thing can trigger a big fight.. which makes the working day even more difficult for everyone.

But, what did REALLY happen? i wonder...

Was the authority so blind and naive that it didn't see Hamas preparing to seize Gaza? or was Hamas drawn to a big trap that was set from the Authority and Israel? why? to sack Hamas from the government i think...

was Iran responsible for what happened either in Gaza, Lebanon or even Iraq so everybody will keep preoccupied with the M.E. and Iran can continue with it's nuclear programme?!

was the whole thing a big charade, and both Hamas and Fatah collaborated together to deceive innocent people like us so Hamas can justify accepting negotiations with Israel?!

Too many theories but no one really knows what did really happen... but we all know one thing, that it's not over yet, it's still the beginning... beginning of what, nobody knows exactly.. too many roomers and too many assumptions, some are built on facts and some are just lies..

But there are some facts... that indicate that a disaster is coming on the way:-

there are no portals either from or to Gaza, Israel has approved to supply Gaza with the MINIMUM requirements of both electricity and water, every Palestinian that holds a western passport left Gaza in buses, Abbas ruled out dialogue with Hamas...

So, in the end we can only keep our fingers crossed and hope for the better.. i hope!!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Frustration :(

Didn't want anything to do with what is happening today here in Gaza, so, i woke up, prepared breakfast for me and my son "Raed", and refused to hear anything about the on-going fights, ENOUGH, i thought, i'm exhausting myself with all this devastating news and events, and i'm not gonna tolerate it anymore!!! so i closed the windows, "no sun shine today" i thought, turned off the TV and grabbed my tape recorder and started listening to my dearest old pal, "Fairouz"...
why not have a normal life, is that too much to ask for? but NO, my husband refused but to tell me all about the latest events, the hottest clashes, and the most recent casualties..., i had this blank look at my face , i uttered some words and rushed to the kitchen where i cried like a baby..."raed" followed me and looked up at me with his big innocent blue eyes and said "mama, are you angry with me, i'm sorry mama.." and hugged me... i really needed that hug..everything have turned so cold so quickly, even if we are in the month of june, everything have turned gray, the sky, the roads, even the people.
I tried to keep a smile drawn at my face all the day long, i tried to convince myself that things will turn out to the best, I tried to cope with the bitter fact, until it was dawn, when a Fatah activist was killed, dunno how, dunno why, but the horrifying thing is that he was tied from his legs , after being killed, and dragged through the streets of the camp!! they were shouting through microphones celebrating his death, that is when i hit my rock bottom...How can anyone kill anybody with cold blood and then drag his corpse through the streets?! have we reached THAT limit? haven't we got any mercy in our hearts towards each others? i really don't know what to say.. i'm speechless :(

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

FrOm GaZa

Have we reached the point of Civil War, have we reached the place where there's no way back, or is there still a little window of hope opened some where for the two factions to bridge their differences?! I hope..

Today at dawn, the Imam of the near by mosque burst into tears, no one attended the dawn prayer, not even one muslim, everybody was scared to leave their houses... this is how bad the situation is here in Gaza, it's been four days now, the sounds of gunshots and bomb shelling haven't stopped, and still, there are no signs of any settlements, not even an unstable one..
Everybody is thinking about leaving gaza, looks like things are gonna stay this way for a while, a looong while i think :(, i chatted with a number of friends all over the strip, and they are all considering the idea of leaving gaza, the thought have never left my mind, as i don't carry a palestinian ID, i have a 2 year Jordanian passport, which makes leaving Gaza to Jordan a possibility, but my husband refuses the idea of denying his historical right in Palestine...but i'm afraid that there may be a day when leaving Gaza is a must not an option.

I thank God that we haven't been directly damaged by the ongoing fights, as the flames haven't reached the middle refugee camps, where I live, and I pray for those who are stuck in the middle of the fights... Hope that Allah may have his Mercy upon us...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

my first post

hip hip hooray.. at last, i had the enough courage to write my first post in my own very special blog, really dunno what to talk about exactly, too many things on my mind, but yet, nothing to write about, so i decided to write a bit about every thing...
Gonna tell you a bit about the most important person in my life, my 2 year old son, Raed, or "batta" as i like to call him :), he is the only reason why i'm still fighting and struggling here in Gaza, he draws a smile on my face in the middle of all the madness going around over here

there is nothing more fun than being a mother, even if you are a working mother, as i am, cuz you are given a chance to create your own human, with all your ideal thoughts and dreams, yes he is an independent charecter, but you have the greatest influence on his additude, actions, morals... everything you can ever think of.. there are ofcourse some bad or even "dark" days when you curse the day you thought of even having a baby :), but at the end of the day, when your son lays between you arms and asks you to tell him a story and draws that angelic smile on his face... well... you really can't imagine your life with out him...

looks like motherhood is gonna take a big space of my blog, but what the heck... i love being raed's mom... ha ha ha

the next thing that i can't help NOT mentioning is the situation here in Gaza, things over here tend to change rapidly from bad to worse, never allowing it to get better, but no one has an idea who to blame, both parties "Fatah" & "Hamas" are liying, both of them are committing crimes, and both of them are leading us to distruction... unfortunately, no solution is appearing in the horizon :( which keeps us "the people" trapped in the middle.... so staying at home is the best solution for now.

To step out of misory, lets talk about my most beloved hobby... COOKING.. i love to cook, all types of food, today i made "Maklooba", which is well known for us the Palestinians... YUM O... gonna write the recipe later...

That's all for now, gonna write soon Insha'llah...

Dew ;)